It’s been quite some time now that I have toyed with the idea of keeping a blog. It’s been a while since I created it, but ever since, I keep trying to figure out what its supposed to be. I guess I’ve finally just come to the conclusion that this will in fact be a catalogue of my heart.
I was made to share my heart, and to let the love that fills it overflow to others. So I think that the best way for me to share that through this is just to share what is on my heart, and that’s generally a lot… At least, it is today, so I’ve decided the time has come, and I’ll kick this baby off, so here I go.
Two years ago, I woke up in the most foreign place I know. I was at New Generation camp in St. Ann’s Bay, Jamaica, and though it was barley 6:30 a.m. I was drenched with sweat the moment the sun woke me. I had the most incredible week of my life at New Generation on that trip. I got to share the time with precious friends from home, and I got to build new relationships with incredible children of God, who will forever hold a dear place in my heart. We laughed a lot, and worked much harder than we would on a normal day at home. We ate very differently, to say the least, and grew slightly accustomed to many new norms. We sweat a whole lot, and bled a little, and came to know a very new definition of exhaustion. Most importantly we saw the hand of the Lord do marvelous works…well, at least I did.
I hated leaving that first time, and my heart ached for Jamaica, every moment of every day, for months. I wanted to drop everything I had at school and home, because all I wanted to do was be there and love the people. For the first time in my life, I wanted something so much, that no matter how long and hard I prayed, God didn’t take it off my heart.
My parents wouldn’t let me quit “life” so instead I changed my major and bottled up my feelings. I told only a small few people what was really on my heart, and I just prayed for Jamaica, and God’s will for me there…a lot.
Almost a year and a half later, after too many setbacks to remember, He finally took me back. The second trip was more than I ever dreamed my return to this place could be, and I was blessed by it far more than I had planned. I got the privilege to share this adventure with my mom, aunt, grandmother, a best friend and others who will remain precious to me forever, and it was on this trip, that God ignited in my heart what I am realizing could become a passion for Christian camping.
Before I left, a friend mentioned Kanakuk to me, and suggested that I look into it. On the trip another seriously encouraged it for my consideration and others mentioned how a camp would be great for my personality. I quickly realized that God obviously had a hand in this, and I began to pray for His will for my summer 2011. Three weeks ago, I found out that it is, in fact, for me to be at Kanakuk, loving on children and families for eight weeks.
I’m so excited for this time, and new adventure. But I am also torn. While I’m at Kamp, I’ll miss another chance to go back to New Generation. Until today, I was happy despite that, because I still fully trust that God has planned for me to return eventually. But my heart really misses it.
Since I’ve been back from Jamaica in September, God has shown me that I have a global heart, and I am 150% delighted in this! I don’t have any idea what it means for my long term future, or how my time at Kanakuk will play into that, but I know it’s true, and I can’t wait to see this aspect of my life unfold. But I do know, that there has never been anything that strengthened my trust in the Lord so much. Every day, I wake up and delight in the love of the Lord for me, and the love that I have to share with everyone around me. I’m overwhelmed with joy, to know that as little as I know about my future, He holds it all, and it will come together flawlessly in its time.
So for now, I love His children everywhere, regardless of the distance that separates us, and I dream of the places He will take me. My heart yearns for a time when I will share with brothers and sisters who see God’s love in such different ways, and when I will see how His love flows from them into my life while I love them in return.
Right now I wait, and I share with you this heart, and I ask for your prayer and encouragement on this long, ever-surprising road to His plan for me.
in grace's amazing hands,